So I was thinking about it today, and I realized that if I leave my job at the semester to go and do other things, it will be because I want to go and do those other things. The thing is, the person who wants to go and do those other things is the same person I was when I walked off the plane into the airport. And the point of coming here was to force myself to change again.
I have changed a little, already. I saw it today, at work: I'm stronger, I stand taller. It's not physical (being sick has weakened me, in fact), but it's there all the same. I want to grow into it more, earn my "veteran" teacher status. It's a challenge, and I don't really want to back down from it.
At the same time, I don't want to change so much that I change my mind about wanting to go to Hawaii, or travel with friends, or about what's important to me. Maybe that's what's so exciting about my new point of view: if I stay here for another 9 months, I will forced not only to change, but to control that change, and integrate the things I want to be without losing track of who I already am.
Musings aside, I'm getting by at the moment. My birthday weekend was not as exciting or "fun" as last year's, but I did have a good time, and I'm really, really glad that I got to see my Dad again. I'm still sick, but I finally have decent drugs on hand, so at least I can get some symptom relief. All in all, things are all right, and I'm doing well. Just gotta figure out the answers to a few more questions is all. I figure it'll always be that way.
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