Yesterday one of my kids was coloring, and I watched a fly land on his cheek. He twitched a little, I think. Other than that, no reaction. The fly crawled up his cheek until it was pretty clearly about to drink from his eye. At that point he grunted and swung his hand up, hitting himself in the face. The fly flew away, but came back minutes later. The scene was repeated.
He's not a stupid boy. I think it's just that he never sleeps. His mom refuses to set a bedtime for him, and so he stays up as late as he likes, and is frequently late to class. And then flies crawl into his eye.
Today at lunch I had a kid from purple class come in (4 years old). She was crying but alert, and able to sit down. When she was asked to start eating, she started crying harder. Soon she was making coughing noises. Then she was making gagging noises. Turns out that she gets so worked up by the sight of a bowl of food that she starts sobbing, and then forces herself to throw up. She threw up so much that, by the end, nothing more would come out. This is a four year old who is forcing herself to puke up stomach acid.
Start 'em young, I guess.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Stories from work
In the file of ridiculous things I've been told as a Foreign Teacher:
"Please teach my daughter to behave well at home. At school, her behavior is fine, in the normal range, sometimes naughty, usually nice. At home she is disrespectful to me, leaves things lying around, and won't hold a pencil in the way I deem to be correct. Please help her to learn all these things. Additionally, get her to stop chewing on her fingers, and if you could teach her that stealing is wrong, too, that'd be great. Thanks."
"Please don't remind my boy that he is late. He feels ashamed that he is late, and does not want to go into school to face his teacher who is upset when he is late every day. I know he is far behind the rest of the class, and that he needs all the help he can get (including additional, expensive tutoring) in order to catch up. Despite knowing this, I can't be bothered to wake him up on time to get him to school in the morning. Instead I allow him to stay up late and sleep late, even though he feels ashamed when he misses classes. Thanks."
"I think you don't like my little girl because she frequently comes home from school and tells me that she's had a bad day. Never mind the fact that using any tone of voice on her other than happy and cheerful frequently sends her into a sulk, and certainly never mind the fact that asking her to apologize to her friends after she insults them brings her to tears. Surely the cause of her bad days must be that her teacher does not like her. It could not possibly be that she is spoiled."
"I think you don't like my little boy because you have sent home reports that detail his consistently poor behavior, as well as his utter lack of internal motivation. These reports are more detailed and more critical than the reports we received last year. I don't care that his teacher last year frequently lied by omission in his reports, the answer must be that you don't like my little boy, even though he loves you dearly and is ALWAYS happy to see you."
"Please grow a beard by Thursday of this week. You look too young to be a teacher, and in fact you are too young to teach legally in this country, so please grow a beard before your Parent Teacher Conferences. Additionally, please tactfully redirect any questions that might be hinting at your true age." (Thankfully, no longer an issue.)
"Be ready to escape through the back door at any moment. Occasionally the government sweeps schools like ours for illegal foreign teachers. Since your paperwork hasn't cleared yet, you fall into that category. If an agent comes to inspect us, I will get on the intercom and announce that 'Teacher Ben has a visitor.' That will be your cue to duck out through the kitchen."
"Oh, by the way, you're Santa now. Here is your regulation Santa Costume that doesn't fit, complete with a nylon beard that smells of 'questionable' origins."
"Please teach my daughter to behave well at home. At school, her behavior is fine, in the normal range, sometimes naughty, usually nice. At home she is disrespectful to me, leaves things lying around, and won't hold a pencil in the way I deem to be correct. Please help her to learn all these things. Additionally, get her to stop chewing on her fingers, and if you could teach her that stealing is wrong, too, that'd be great. Thanks."
"Please don't remind my boy that he is late. He feels ashamed that he is late, and does not want to go into school to face his teacher who is upset when he is late every day. I know he is far behind the rest of the class, and that he needs all the help he can get (including additional, expensive tutoring) in order to catch up. Despite knowing this, I can't be bothered to wake him up on time to get him to school in the morning. Instead I allow him to stay up late and sleep late, even though he feels ashamed when he misses classes. Thanks."
"I think you don't like my little girl because she frequently comes home from school and tells me that she's had a bad day. Never mind the fact that using any tone of voice on her other than happy and cheerful frequently sends her into a sulk, and certainly never mind the fact that asking her to apologize to her friends after she insults them brings her to tears. Surely the cause of her bad days must be that her teacher does not like her. It could not possibly be that she is spoiled."
"I think you don't like my little boy because you have sent home reports that detail his consistently poor behavior, as well as his utter lack of internal motivation. These reports are more detailed and more critical than the reports we received last year. I don't care that his teacher last year frequently lied by omission in his reports, the answer must be that you don't like my little boy, even though he loves you dearly and is ALWAYS happy to see you."
"Please grow a beard by Thursday of this week. You look too young to be a teacher, and in fact you are too young to teach legally in this country, so please grow a beard before your Parent Teacher Conferences. Additionally, please tactfully redirect any questions that might be hinting at your true age." (Thankfully, no longer an issue.)
"Be ready to escape through the back door at any moment. Occasionally the government sweeps schools like ours for illegal foreign teachers. Since your paperwork hasn't cleared yet, you fall into that category. If an agent comes to inspect us, I will get on the intercom and announce that 'Teacher Ben has a visitor.' That will be your cue to duck out through the kitchen."
"Oh, by the way, you're Santa now. Here is your regulation Santa Costume that doesn't fit, complete with a nylon beard that smells of 'questionable' origins."
Monday, May 12, 2008
Two worlds
There's the world up top and the world outside. What I mean is, behind the eyes there's the suspicion that I'm capable of doing anything I want, that only humble obstacles stand in my way. Outside the skin there's the reality that everything back inside is ticking and tumbling down in a very much not-endless slide. The batteries will run down, the engine will grind to a halt, and the lights behind the eyes will go out.
I don't have enough time to do it all. I can do anything, but I only have enough time to do some things.
How on Earth do I even begin to decide what's worth my time?
I suppose I should start with what brings me fulfillment. So that's my task for now: figure out what fulfills me. Perhaps I should set a deadline. Say, by the end of the year? That's a good chunk of time for me to paw through my memories and build a solid set of new experiences. In that time I'd like to lay out a foundation for the things I already find fulfilling, as well as a set of options for discovering new things.
If at the end of the year I decide that I have not had enough time, I will give myself a little more. But alas, things like grad school will not shape themselves to my own schedules. One must be accommodating of the "real" world.
I don't have enough time to do it all. I can do anything, but I only have enough time to do some things.
How on Earth do I even begin to decide what's worth my time?
I suppose I should start with what brings me fulfillment. So that's my task for now: figure out what fulfills me. Perhaps I should set a deadline. Say, by the end of the year? That's a good chunk of time for me to paw through my memories and build a solid set of new experiences. In that time I'd like to lay out a foundation for the things I already find fulfilling, as well as a set of options for discovering new things.
If at the end of the year I decide that I have not had enough time, I will give myself a little more. But alas, things like grad school will not shape themselves to my own schedules. One must be accommodating of the "real" world.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Bragging rights
I swam a mile today in under 40 minutes. Not exactly Olympic speed, and I've still got my spare tire around the middle, but I feel like I'm in pretty decent shape now.
Monday, May 5, 2008
Whew!
Wow! What a whirlwind of a week! Lots of traveling, lots of sightseeing, a little bit of mood-roller-coastering, and tons of great times. Travel companions included the ever-popular Kaitlin, her brother Dean (see photo below), Ali, and Liz. A lovely time was had by many.
To wit:
On Saturday we grabbed a train at the crack of 11:30. High speed rail south at 300 kph got us to Tainan in about an hour and a half. In Tainan we found a somewhat overpriced hotel (or so we initially concluded). Checked in, sorted out rooms, then decided to go hit up the town in search of culture, enlightenment, and cream cheese. As we were leaving the hotel, we discovered that our "overpriced" hotel came with the following perks: free bicycle use (slightly ghetto bikes), free snacks, unlimited cola, unlimited ice tea, and unlimited beer. Hot damn.
So we sallied forth, we fortunate few, and we scoured the town for cream cheese to go on our bagels, eventually compromising on cheese spread from Carrefour. From there we boogied on over to a local park for a late lunch/snack. See photo below for a concise summary of the most awesome feature of the park.
After our digression, we went and saw some cultural shit, including a couple of temples and an old fort. I could bore you with more detail, but suffice to say it was all quite pretty and impressive and it led to the phrase, "the Jade Emperor has 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one."
Later in the evening we hit up Tainan's impressively large night market for snacks and small sundry purchases, and to give Dean an idea of how awesome such things are here.
After Tainan we trained our way down to Gaoxiong. We stayed in a hotel close to the train station, and spent the afternoon and evening out on Qijin Island, in the harbor, playing frisbee on the sand and chillin' on top of the old Dutch gun battery. Good times.
The next morning we took a bus down to Donggang, and then a ferry out to Liuqiu Island. We camped overnight at the same campground I visited last time, and it was fantastic. The five of us worked our way through a fifth of vodka and then some and had a grand old time playing drunken frisbee in the fields above the cliffs we were camped beside. This is not as stupid as it sounds, re-reading it: the cliffs were a good distance from the fields.
We spent the next morning at the beach, enjoying the warm, clear water, before taking the ferry back to Donggang, and then a bus down to Kenting. We spent three nights in Kenting, and it was fantastic. Unfortunately, Liz bailed on us after the first night so that she could go "work", but I guess that's "understandable". We saw many a cool sight, including but not limited to endlessly burning natural gas fires, giant sand dunes, paradisaical beaches, and signs warning us about snakes.
After that it was a harsh, harsh bus ride back to Gaoxiong, a brief but delicious dinner at a vegetarian restaurant, and then a much longer (but much more comfortable) bus ride back to Taipei.
And that, as they say, was that.
To wit:
On Saturday we grabbed a train at the crack of 11:30. High speed rail south at 300 kph got us to Tainan in about an hour and a half. In Tainan we found a somewhat overpriced hotel (or so we initially concluded). Checked in, sorted out rooms, then decided to go hit up the town in search of culture, enlightenment, and cream cheese. As we were leaving the hotel, we discovered that our "overpriced" hotel came with the following perks: free bicycle use (slightly ghetto bikes), free snacks, unlimited cola, unlimited ice tea, and unlimited beer. Hot damn.
So we sallied forth, we fortunate few, and we scoured the town for cream cheese to go on our bagels, eventually compromising on cheese spread from Carrefour. From there we boogied on over to a local park for a late lunch/snack. See photo below for a concise summary of the most awesome feature of the park.
After our digression, we went and saw some cultural shit, including a couple of temples and an old fort. I could bore you with more detail, but suffice to say it was all quite pretty and impressive and it led to the phrase, "the Jade Emperor has 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one."
Later in the evening we hit up Tainan's impressively large night market for snacks and small sundry purchases, and to give Dean an idea of how awesome such things are here.
After Tainan we trained our way down to Gaoxiong. We stayed in a hotel close to the train station, and spent the afternoon and evening out on Qijin Island, in the harbor, playing frisbee on the sand and chillin' on top of the old Dutch gun battery. Good times.
The next morning we took a bus down to Donggang, and then a ferry out to Liuqiu Island. We camped overnight at the same campground I visited last time, and it was fantastic. The five of us worked our way through a fifth of vodka and then some and had a grand old time playing drunken frisbee in the fields above the cliffs we were camped beside. This is not as stupid as it sounds, re-reading it: the cliffs were a good distance from the fields.
We spent the next morning at the beach, enjoying the warm, clear water, before taking the ferry back to Donggang, and then a bus down to Kenting. We spent three nights in Kenting, and it was fantastic. Unfortunately, Liz bailed on us after the first night so that she could go "work", but I guess that's "understandable". We saw many a cool sight, including but not limited to endlessly burning natural gas fires, giant sand dunes, paradisaical beaches, and signs warning us about snakes.
After that it was a harsh, harsh bus ride back to Gaoxiong, a brief but delicious dinner at a vegetarian restaurant, and then a much longer (but much more comfortable) bus ride back to Taipei.
And that, as they say, was that.
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